Business Writing

Business Writing

Cross out the extra words, eliminate the BIZ-SPEAK, and fix this email!

You might have to do a little rewriting so this makes sense. Have fun.


To My Dear MAXX Sports Employees and Management Staff Members,

I am ready to take our business to the next level. As you already know, I very recently asked all the managers at all of my MAXX Sports stores to come up with and create a new variety of new ways to get lots of people into our stores. Very recently, we have seen a steady decrease in customers in all of our stores and there is a good chance our business is in serious jeopardy. Collectively, we have to find, discover and come up with a variety of different ideas to increase the number of customers who want to shop in our stores.

I have received many, many ideas from the store managers. Here are just a few of the obvious ideas that most struggling stores use in their attempt to drag customers back into their place of business: coupons, clearance sales and racks, rewards program, sidewalk sales, customer surveys, and changing the appearance of the stores. These are old, tired ideas that do not go above and beyond.

Although these ideas have proven to be successful for some other businesses in the recent past, these ideas just do not appeal to me. They are not original, fresh, or exciting. Our business, MAXX Sports, needs a fresh approach to finding a brand new stream of customers. In my opinion, the ideas submitted to me by the managers of the stores, were lacking the passion MAXX Sports is known for having.

As a result of the unoriginal ideas, here is what I am going to do in regards to this very important situation: I am going to ask all MAXX SPORTS employees and workers to submit ideas that they think might work and help us get more customers in our stores.

The reason why I am emailing everyone is because of this reason. I want ideas from all levels of our company – from the warehouse workers to the board members. I need for everyone to get on board with my plan and help get the customers into the stores once again like they use to do.

Please send your ideas, plans, and suggestions to me through email. Or, you may come by my office and we can discuss your ideas, you and I.

Thank you all very much, Maxine Profit, Owner MAXX SPORTS

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